My goal is to help YOU find your service passion — your contribution in this world.Each month I try a new service adventure and encourage you to try one also and post your stories here.

      Earlier this month it was my honor to deliver the commencement address at my alma mater high school in Bellefontaine, Ohio. There’s always something safe about going home. Mary Rutan Park still has its four tennis courts and the pool is still open from Memorial Day to Labor Day. 
     
      As I encouraged Bellefontaine’s 202 newest graduates to contribute, leave a legacy and connect with people throughout the world, it occurred to me that I would not be offering advice, encouragement and hopefully a little wisdom were it not for all of the front-line teachers and behind-the-scenes administrators. Some of them chose education as their life profession. Others manage to crowd the role of coach, booster club or PTA president, or board of education member into a life already crammed with work and family. Nonetheless, each of them made the conscious decision to push us, at 18 years old, out the door fully equipped to take on and improve the world.
     
      I’d graduated a long time ago with part of that school leadership team. And as we reminisced about some of the idiot things we did back in the day, it was clear to me that my former classmates had plotted a deliberate winning strategy for Bellefontaine High School’s graduates that would make Gen. Petraeus proud: More than $200,000 in financial aid and scholarship money went to those who applied for it. The number of kids graduating with college credit skyrocketed from 25 last year to 133 this year. Five graduates had chosen a military profession, with one Marine leaving for boot camp that evening.
     
      The business of providing great education is not a task for the weak or the lazy. It takes some effort to be in the top 20 percent of anything, whether it be academic, athletic or business. However, to get to the top 1 percent of that 20 percent (think Tiger Woods or Bill Gates) the level of effort gets statistically tougher the closer you zoom in toward those one-digit percentages. 
     
      As I chatted with year 2013’s next international business major, computer scientist engineer and Broadway star, I felt safe and hopeful, if only because this generation will one day take care of my generation. If the high school graduates across the country are anything like the new graduates of Bellefontaine, Ohio, then I’m in good hands.
     
      If you’re in the profession of training minds (and that’s almost all of us), I challenge you push yourself to that final 1 percent of excellence. If you’re on the receiving end, kick up the effort and push yourself to that 1 percent of excellence too.  And along the way, thank your teachers, your coaches, your parents, your bus driver and all of those volunteers. 
     
      Thank you for our next generation of leaders, Bellefontaine. You give back.
     
      Get out and give back.

Filed under: Children, Education, Family, In the Neighborhood | 2 Comments »

        A long time ago my dad decided to give one percent of the gross sales from his lumberyard business to the poorest village in the western hemisphere. Through a little research he was partnered with a village outside Port-au-Prince, Haiti. For years he sent a check to a French nun down there and in time the village’s population doubled as his regular donations brought them food, electricity, running water, a school and musical instruments.
      
       I have always been fascinated by the good that one percent can do. The website www.onepercentfortheplanet.org encourages 1136 companies to donate 1% of their sales to a network of 175 environmental organizations worldwide. Another site, www.theonepercent.org, connects nonprofit organizations in need of design assistance with architecture and design firms willing to donate their time pro bono in the Washington, DC area. Finally, www.onepercentclub.org encourages its members to donate at least one percent of their net worth or five percent of their income to the charitable cause of their choice.
      
       Dad was on to something. I wonder what the world would be like if we each spent one percent of our time consciously doing good. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics there were nearly 190,000,000 of us between the ages of 18 – 64 in the United States in 2007 and 52,171,000 of us ages 16 to 64, (that’s just over one in four) did some volunteer work that year. 
      
       I learned a long time ago never to do math in public, so it is with some trepidation that I offer that 7.3 hours equates to about one percent of your time each month. If you subtract eight of those 24 hours to sleep, your one percent is down to less than five hours each month. What if every single one of us devoted five hours each month to service? I hold a very liberal standard for “service” and define it as everything from the traditional (think building a house with Habitat for Humanity) to doing what comes naturally (a jogger running the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure) to spending a couple of hours visiting with sweet elderly lady across the street, making dinner for the bedridden co-worker with four kids or planting a few of your flowers bulbs in a forgotten part of a community common area.
      
       My request to you is that each month, five of your waking hours are devoted to doing some good. It can make the world better or make your home better, but the end result is that doing good one percent of the time becomes part of your lifestyle. (Groceries? Check. Clean the house? Check. Make sandwiches for the shelter? Check.)
      
       Dad always said that the check he wrote for Haiti each month was the only bill he didn’t mind paying.  He loved giving his one percent.  What if we all did?
      
       Get out and give back.

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By Laura Bain (guest columnist)

      (Laura Bain is a reading specialist in a rural Ohio elementary school and is passionate about the importance of teaching kids to read.  She’s also one of my dearest friends. - Jane Hess Collins)

      I have the most important job in the world, and I love it. For very little effort, a few words of support can change a child’s life, or at least change an attitude about reading, and that’s moving in the right direction. I work with some of the lowest-achieving students in my rural elementary school, and very often I’ve boosted their reading levels to average or above-average in about 20 weeks. I have learned that anyone can make a big difference in the reading attitudes of children, and your help is essential.
     
      All you need is a kid and a book, patience and a smile. And if you’ve ever read something that you’ve really enjoyed, or something that really made a difference to you, you know the real reason for reading. Share that attitude.   
     
      You make such a difference if you volunteer to read with kids at a school. They will do anything to please, and the attitudes they adopt in their first 10 years of life are critical to the rest of their lives. And at the risk of sounding sexist, we need more male role models in these kids’ lives. A man who can spend a little time with a boy and a book suddenly makes that book very important. But women, please volunteer too. They need you.
     
  Kids know if they’re not good readers, and they may be afraid that you’ll find out. So bring your smile, be reassuring and let the child know she’s safe with you. Help her when she’s stuck, and don’t criticize. You don’t need to know how to teach reading; just share your attitude that reading is worth the work and that you believe they can read, and that they can read better every day. Let them know that you enjoy hearing them read, even if it’s a little choppy and there are mistakes, and that you like books, and like the child.

      Talk about what happens in the book. Talk about things the story reminds you of. Ask them– what do you think happens next? Why did he do that? What would you do? This is a great opportunity to help children think.
     
      Reading should be a shared, social experience. Call your local school and say that you want to volunteer to help kids read. Schools are busy places and you are appreciated more than we take the time to express. So thank you from me in advance.
     
      My heroes are people who read to children from birth (yes) to high school (yes). If you can make yourself available for that, with any child anywhere, you’re my hero.
     
      Get out and give back.
 

Filed under: Children, Education, Guest Bloggers, Literacy, Mentoring | No Comments »

by guest columnist Eileen Katz-Schulman

Giving back.  Far too often, this simple phrase is used as an indication of punishment.  When a child takes a toy that is not his, he must give it back. High priced executives took tax payer money as bonuses, despite their involvement in the mismanagement of the company, and were made to give the money back. This is how we typically apply this phrase. Yet, in these situations, the words “repair” or “amend” are truly more appropriate.  The actions corrected behaviors that were unhealthy and resulted in hurt, guilt, or shame.

What, then is meant when we say “give back” if not to repair something we have broken?  In the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, and its multiple and varied offshoots, the concept of giving back has a completely different meaning. It is one of gratitude.

Throughout the 12-Steps, an outline of sorts of the process of healing and recovery, is the notion of repair and amends. The first few steps speak of the need to acknowledge both our behaviors and the messes that they have created in our lives. The next few steps speak to the importance of repair – of fixing what we have broken, of helping to heal those situations where we have caused harm. The latter steps, all except #12, speak to the ongoing nature of this program, the concept that one is never “recovered,” but rather one is always on the journey of learning, growing, changing and improving.

Step-12, however, goes beyond this understanding of the changes we have implemented and their healthier results. It speaks to the aha-moment of realization that when others shared their journeys for their benefit, in reality they were giving me a gift –the gift that change is possible. These people showed their gratitude for what they had received from others by passing it along to yet another person who might benefit.

A major focus of 12th step work is what the fellowship calls service. This service work does not wait until someone has any significant period of sobriety, or has attained some mentor or guru status. This service work begins as soon as there is something to share. In reading the history of AA, its founders, Bill W. and Dr. Bob, realized that it is in the reaching out to others that they were able to stay sober. They did not reach out by saying, “This is what you must do to stay sober.” They reached out by saying, “This is what I have been through, what has worked for me. I am grateful for it and I now offer it as a gift to you. What you do with it is up to you.” 

How many times have we performed similar acts of giving back? When we give food to the local food pantry, we are really saying, “Thank you for all that I have.” When we volunteer anywhere, we are really saying, “Thank you for my skills, my interests, and my abilities, that I may be able to use them to make another’s burden a bit lighter.” When we tend to an elderly parent, we are really saying, “Thank you for tending to me.”  There are so many versions of the same message. By giving back, I am saying, “I am grateful.” 

Instead of asking yourself how you can help others or make the world a better place, ask, “For what am I grateful?” You will know immediately how you can give back!

Eileen Katz-Schulman, MS LMFT LCMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in the treatment of families struggling with addiction and sexual trauma recovery. She may be reached at Eileen@familymatterstherapy.com.
 

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     One advantage of being an old bride is that you aren’t beholden to a fluffy white dress.  So when I started the great wedding dress hunt two years ago, I had only three criteria: The cost wouldn’t require re-financing my house, it had to make me look like a goddess, and I had to feel like a rock star when I wore it.
     
      Incredibly, I found the perfect purple silk gown my first time out, and on a glorious October Saturday in 2007, I was, like every bride before and after me, the most beautiful woman in the world that day. 
     
      Since then this gorgeous dress has been hanging lifeless in my closet. That is, until last night. 
     
      Last night I bid goodbye to my beautiful dress and gave it to April, a pretty, high-cheeked college student, who is collecting party dresses to donate to the area’s underserved teenage girls so they can wear a beautiful dress to their proms.
     
      April contacted a local welfare-to-work type nonprofit that agreed to host and publicize a fundraiser where the dresses would be given to girls who need them. By the time I met April last night she had already collected 25 dresses. Then she took mine, plus four more from two of my neighbors who loved the idea. Tonight another neighbor is cleaning out her closets to donate her dresses to April and her cause.
     
      Any parent will tell you that proms and dances are expensive and always a source of stress in a home inhabited by a teenage girl. Telling a 16-year-old girl to wear the same dress she wore last year (gasp) is not an option, nor is trading it with her BFF (that’s “best friend forever”). April doesn’t know it, but after her charity event is over next week, at least 30 teenage girls will love her. And their parents will really, really love her. 
     
      Imagine the burden lifted from a struggling mom’s shoulders when a prom dress is a gift. Organizing a local dress drive is fairly simple and anyone could do it. Or, check out www.donatemydress.org, a nonprofit that encourages girls to donate their prom and special occasion dresses to those who cannot afford them (according to people.com, a reigning teen queen just donated her prom dress to it). Another online nonprofit, www.makingmemories.org, uses the money it raises from selling new and used bridal gowns to grant wishes for metastatic breast cancer patients. 
     
      I challenge you to clean out your closets in the next few weeks and donate those party dresses that you’ll never wear again. Think of the space you’ll have for new clothes. Allow someone else to be a goddess for a day…and you’ll get to be one twice.
     
      Get out and give back.

Filed under: Donating | 1 Comment »

     Fifteen years ago I survived a divorce. It was something that had to happen, and for two years my soul was dragged slowly across the jagged floor of hell. It felt like being pushed blindfolded off a high dive and not knowing whether there was water in the pool. Each morning I had to hold a staff meeting with my emotions to figure out how to make it through the day. Eventually we reached a truce-if they promised to let me act like a normal human being while I worked from nine to five, they could be as crazy as they wanted to with me the rest of the time.
     
      Lonely does not begin to describe it. It was a time when I was acutely aware that I was no longer the most important person in the world to anyone else. I eventually crawled back into the human race, but not without the help of some wonderful and very patient friends. And although that black hole of my life closed a long time ago and I now consider myself a poster girl for survival and joy, I’ve kept a piece of that time with me to remember the empathy and compassion that was offered to me, and how people in that dark place need it so desperately. 
     
      Statistically, about half of all marriages end in divorce, and there are no statistics on how many more unmarried, long-term relationships end. That tells me that a whole lot of people are feeling pretty lost at some point in their lives. There is a fresh, special kind of grief for those in the throes of a crumbling marriage or divorce, or any broken (or breaking) relationship-a pain that the passage of life will diminish in time, but impossible to believe for those who are in the center of it.
     
      If divorce is not part of your life history, count your blessings. If it is, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In either case, I invite you to be a friend to someone who needs it. It’s not always easy to spend time with someone whose life has shattered, but it won’t last forever, I promise. Have her over for dinner, or watch the kids for an afternoon, or take him to a football game. Be patient as he recounts the sequence of events that led up to what he’s trying to navigate through now. Pour her another cup of coffee as she re-hashes the coulda/woulda/shoulda’s to you for the 11th time.
     
      Let the healing begin.
     
      Get out and give back.
     

Filed under: Humanity, Kindness | 2 Comments »

      Everyone loves a sale. But, rather than fighting through the clearance racks for winter markdowns, I volunteered the other day with ReStore, the resale outlet whose proceeds help fund local Habitat for Humanity projects.

      ReStore (http://www.habitat.org/env/restores.aspx) sells used and surplus building materials at a fraction of normal prices-up to 90 percent, according to Herb, the engaging and passionate store manager. The inventory comes from big-box home improvement stores (you know who they are) and contractors who donate brand-new surplus or older-model inventory. Or, anyone can donate gently-used building materials and appliances as well (check the Web site for what it will accept).

      As I walked up and down the aisles of the 16,000-square-foot warehouse, I was amazed at the amount of brand new things. This particular ReStore had boxes upon boxes of never-opened TV stands and coffee tables, area carpets still rolled up in plastic, doors and windows with the plastic sales stickers still on them, and marble and granite bathroom vanities still in the carton. There were five brand new, identical green couches, new decorative tiles of all shapes and sizes and colors, and a roomful of brass-and-glass chandeliers. Two metal cabinets overflowed with hinges and wall switches (many still in the bags), and two crates were full of-I’m not making this up-used golf balls. 

      When another volunteer bought a solid teak dining room table that could seat 10 for $35 (after a little refinishing and wood glue), I realized that I’d walked into the world’s best flea market. 

      Two types of people came in-those who donated and those who bought.  As I recorded the new donations that day I watched “the regulars” come in to browse. One woman who was restoring a building bought probably a thousand dollars worth of brand-new doors and windows for a few hundred bucks. Another guy picked up an almost-new gas furnace for a steal (as I’m writing this, we’re having the heat pump replaced in our house.  The ReStore guy got a better deal than us.  Trust me.). And if you prefer to shop online, some ReStore programs sell on Craigslist.com. 

      So the next time you’re inclined to upgrade your appliances or take on a do-it-yourself home project, please add a trip to ReStore when you’re out shopping. Then go back to ReStore to drop off whatever you’ve just replaced (if it’s in good condition, please).  And for those of us who can’t resist a bargain, stop by your nearest ReStore to see what surprises await you. It’s nice to know that the kitchen sink you bought there also helped someone deserving in your community get a new home. You’ll have to fight me for those golf balls, though. They’ll make a perfect Father’s Day present. 

      Get out and give back.

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 There’s a special place in heaven for customer service representatives who work the other end of a phone line. I read an on-line story a few months back about how even the meekest of us can be abusive on the phone. Something about the facelessness of it all gave them permission to release their inner Russell Crowe.
     
      I have a confession to make. I have an evil phone twin. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I’ll bet that some of my more spectacular rants have been played over a loudspeaker during office Christmas parties. So, I decided that in the spirit of giving this holiday season, I’d give the gift of civility to those poor, anonymous customer service representatives who’ve been subjected to my evil twin’s tirades.
     
      It hasn’t been easy although I’ve set a pretty low bar for myself.  Even on a good day, my “nice” voice is more, um, direct, than my husband’s “angry” voice. And it didn’t take long for my first challenge. I had arranged for a technician to repair our newly installed home alarm system. We made a date. He didn’t show. He didn’t call. He didn’t e-mail to explain or apologize. We made another date. He didn’t show. He didn’t call. He didn’t e-mail to explain or apologize.
     
      I called their customer service office-again-and dug my fingernails into my neck to keep my evil twin at bay. My default tone of voice on an occasion like this could freeze a ballistic missile in mid-air. I was quite proud of my polite, new voice although it sounded eerily like Hannibal Lector in “Silence of the Lambs.” I was even prouder of myself when the technician called me later to confirm our 5:00 pm appointment then went off on me when I said I wouldn’t be home until 5:30 pm. I patiently explained to him that I’d already told two of his supervisors the day before that I wouldn’t be home until then and even said I was sorry that he didn’t get the word. That’s huge for me. 
     
      Distancing myself from my evil phone alter-ego is not easy and I celebrate small victories whenever I can. Why, this morning I told a customer rep that she didn’t have to read her canned statement to me about how I could have solved my problem online rather than call her. She didn’t seem to appreciate my generous offer, but she was nice and I was nice and all was good.
     
      So for those of you still searching for holiday gifts, I offer mine to share. 
     
      Happy holidays to everyone, especially customer service reps!
     
      Get out and give back.

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     I’ve written about this topic before, but it bears repeating - at least to me. 
     
      I work live and work in the greater Washington, D.C. area, and take the Metro (subway) to and from work because DC traffic is a continuing nightmare. Most of us DC commuters have something called a SmarTrip card. It works like a credit card and you add money to it from cash, credit cards or Metro vouchers by using a kiosk designed for that purpose in each Metro station. The SmarTrip deducts the cost of the trip after you complete your Metro ride.
      
      One day recently my SmarTrip card balance was near zero so I stopped at a Metro kiosk and let a computerized voice lead me through transferring vouchers to the SmarTrip card. I had just started to transfer $30 vouchers when I heard a noise. I turned to my right to see a disheveled, unshaven, dirty man next to me, mumbling incoherently.  Even four feet away the smell of booze nearly knocked me over.
     
      Although he was almost impossible to understand, it was clear that he was asking for money to buy a Metro ticket to get to work. I doubted that he was employed but quickly gave him a $30 Metro voucher and walked toward the trains. I’d love to say I gave him such a generous gift out of goodwill and selflessness, but truth be told, the voucher was already in my hand and easier than digging through my purse for a few dollars.  I didn’t want him to thank me. I just wanted to get away, but not before hearing him shout an appreciative expletive when he saw the amount on the voucher. 
     
      As I boarded the Metro I realized that giving him a metro voucher was the easy part. Treating him with respect was the hard part. I had failed miserably. How you give counts as much as what you give and I just learned that the hard way. So, I made up an acronym to remind me how to do it better:
     
      Gratitude (allow him the opportunity to thank me)
      I (make eye contact)
      Voice (speak with him and smile)
      Esteem (treat him with the dignity he deserves)
     
       With the economy continuing to go south, I anticipate more of us will either be approached for help or need to ask someone else for help. If you’re approached, I hope you respond better than I did. If you’re asking for help, I hope you receive whatever you need with dignity and respect.
     
      Me? I hope I see that guy again. Maybe I’ll get it right next time.
     
      Get out and give back.

Filed under: Humanity, Kindness | 1 Comment »

  Over the last few months, three friends have told me about their family dramas where someone hasn’t talked to someone in decades. While they repeat the story to me with either sorrow or defiance, their sense of loss always bulldozes through, despite their best efforts to suppress it. 
 
 Anna’s father ignored her after he remarried several decades ago. She always held out hope that one day they’d be close again, despite his repeated absences at her graduations as she earned one advanced degree after another. No acknowledgement, no phone call, not even a check - yet my friend continued to invite him, hoping her father would celebrate her milestones with her.
 
 Fast forward 20 or 30 years – her stepmother dies, and soon after, her father comes knocking on her door wanting to reconnect with his baby girl. She took him back with open arms. I couldn’t believe it. Or at least I couldn’t imagine being so forgiving. But as she explained to me (and to countless others, no doubt), she loved her father and wanted him in her life, and she was willing to forgive his decades of neglect to have a daddy again. No questions, no apologies demanded.
 
 This past July she married. I watched Anna and her father dance and laugh together to Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Cinderella” at her reception. I don’t know how many guests knew how many steps those two had to travel for him to escort her 25 feet down the chapel aisle to give her away, but none of us who knew the story were dry-eyed.
 
 Then there’s Belle, my other girlfriend, whose story is almost identical. She’s realizing for the first time, now that her mother and stepmother are gone, that the stepsisters who hated her (at least that’s what she was told) can’t wait to meet her after all these years. In fact, they’re all planning a girlfriend getaway weekend. 
 
 Just last week she sent me a picture of her and her dad. She was beaming like a tween at a Hannah Montana concert. Her dad just looked grateful, with that peaceful tranquility of an old man who’s finally reconnected with his only child.
 
 The jury’s still out on the last story. I don’t know how it will end. Right now years of heartbreak have turned into a self-protective bitterness. I hope there’s a thaw in the ice one day soon. Someone is getting very, very old.
 
 Sometimes giving back means forgiving back. It’s not always easy but my two friends have a deep, new-found joy. I hope the third family is as lucky. And I hope each one of you finds that joy if it’s missing in your life. But you may have to take the first step.
 
 Get out and (for)give back.
 
  
 

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