May 5 – the perfect Saturday for horses and mint juleps and the Kentucky Derby. It was also the perfect day for another horse event –helping horseback riders who had autism, retardation and spinal bifida.
The project was organized by “Single Volunteers,” a non-profit that – you guessed it – offers service projects for the unattached (http://www.singlevolunteers.org). In fact, according to the website in this area’s chapter, “If you are unable to enter into a dating relationship at this time, you should not volunteer with us.” Service and luvin’ – who can resist a two-fer like that?
During each of the four one-hour lessons I was a “sidewalker.” That meant I walked alongside to catch the rider in case of a fall and encouraged the rider to follow the directions of the therapist, who was yelling instructions to each of the eight riders from the center of the very dusty riding ring. The riders walked their horses around the corral clockwise and counterclockwise, to sections of the fence holding gigantic alphabet letters and to pre-set mailboxes and buckets to gather plastic rings and balls. The more experienced riders could trot – a highly coveted privilege!
Some of the riders’ parents walked with us during the lesson. The daddies amazed me the most. One father talked candidly about his 19-year-old son who was nearly 6’2” and wore a diaper under his jeans. The son repeatedly draped himself over his much-shorter daddy for hugs and sloppy kisses. His dad always loved him back, just as if his son was really two years old.
Another daddy, maybe 30 years old, wasn’t faring as well. He looked on in quiet befuddlement as his seven-year-old autistic son, on his third trip to the riding program, didn’t remember his previous lessons and experienced the whole event as if it were his very first time.
And yet both men were similar in many ways. The first daddy, who opened up so freely about his son, seemed to be a tired man, worn down by years of frustration, helplessness and lost hope underneath the deep love he held for his son. It seemed like his unbreakable bond with his son kept him going.
The younger daddy wore his helplessness and lost hope on his sleeve. I imagined that he and his wife were struggling to raise a handicapped child and he looked completely resigned and beaten down. I wondered if he’d ever escape the survival mode in which he seemed to operate.
Then suddenly, his young son made a sound to make the horse go, and daddy’s blue eyes lit up like two sapphires. He gazed adoringly at his little boy, glowing like the proudest papa alive.
In their own way, these daddies revealed a depth of love that seared right into the soul. It reinforced once again the power of unconditional love, compassion and connection, and how we need more of it – in the world, our communities, families and each other.
Single Volunteers was right. I found plenty of love that day.
Get out and give back.
Jane Hess is a free-lance writer. You can send your comments to jane@getoutandgiveback.com
Hey Jane,
I look forward to your GOGB column every month. I particularly liked last months article about the autistic children and the horses. I also read between the lines and figured out that that things did not work out with the architect you were dating- that is probably old news. I especially liked your observations of the fathers in the crowd. Puts life and all its trivial problems in a bit of perspective. I also feel a little guilty after reading each months column because I do not do enough grass roots work. I also know that I do not have enough emotional energy right now to take on another project.